YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT
by Anbl
Summary: Steve's thoughts about his relationship with Catherine.
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Hi there¡! I've been rewatching episodes trying not to think too much about how far is September. I can't wait for season 10! I have my hopes up for Mcroll as they hinted us a "next time". Fingers crossed. You know, how much longer can they wait to get them together? Anyway, as I watched episode 4x02 and beyond I came up with this. It is all about what Steve might have thought about his relationship with Catherine. It is maybe a bit OOC because we don't get to see much inside his SuperSeal armour but, as my dad (I love him by the way) would say: "Those who don't talk, overthink". So there they go: Steve's thoughts; from my POV obiously. Please, bear with me and my mistakes. This is my very first story of all times and English is not my first language, or my second for that matter. I just hope it is well written enough for you to understand what I'm trying to do here. Apologies in advance! PS: Constructive criticism accepted!

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Hawaii Five-0 or any of its characters. Just borrowing them for a while.

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT**** \- Chapter 1**

"_It's like I need to start thinking about what's next_."

He couldn't help wondering what she had meant; "_I__ thought she loved that job. It was hard before when we had to spend a lot of time apart. But she's stationed in Pearl now. She's settled. We both are. We live together. I don't even know how it happened. But it did and it's going great so far. About what's next? What can be next? She hasn't found another job yet. Well, she kind of did, and did not take it. Next...next...__Why t__hat damn word keeps coming_?_Was she talking only about her career? Or maybe…she was talking about something else. Something else? Like what?...Like taking another step on our relationship? Mmm...another step?... Woah! Are we there yet? Does she want that? Marriage? And kids? Does she want kids?... What?!…Wait! Wait a minute… Do I want kids?_ " A rollercoaster of emotions and insecurities invaded him. "_Relax man! She was just saying she could use a change of scene. And that's good…change is good, isn't it? She said she was happy so…we're fine, everything is ok._" He tried to tell himself. "_Should I talk to her about this? What if we don't want the same things? What if I scare her? I don't want to put too much pressure on her. Or lose her" _This idea felt like a stab in his stomach. "_She's leaving the Navy, so…she has enough to worry about right now. Yeah, and she was talking about her career. Definitely. Right?...Yeah, yes she was. And besides, I should clear my mind first. I don't know what I want or if I am ready for all that. I want her, that's for sure…_"

"Steve" He would have sworn he had heard his name.

"Steve!" And again. This time was louder. He stirred and looked at the person calling him.

"Steve! What is going on in that head of yours? I've been talking to you for five minutes." It was Danny. "_When did he come in?_ " He asked himself.

"Hey! Sorry. It's nothing. What do you need?" Steve could see the look of curiosity on his friend's face and he immediately realized that Danny would bring this up in a future conversation.

"I don't need anything. I was just telling you that I am going to pick up Grace for the game, but since you weren't listening at all, I took advantage of it and said everything not good that I've kept to myself about what I think of you." Danny answered.

"You? Keeping things to yourself? You barely stop talking." Steve stated.

"Shut up! I'm leaving. Grace must be waiting for me. I'll see you there. And please, I beg you, save your baseball advices."

"Advices? They're instructions Danny, instructions!" Steve shouted as Danny was leaving.

"_What's next..." _


	2. Chapter 2

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Hi guys! Here I am with Chapter 2. It'll probably take me longer than this to update in the future, but I've had some free time today.

Although I read the last one like a hundred times before publishing it, I still found a few errors later. That said, no doubt there'll be more in this one. So, sorry again to those who spot them and to the English language! ;)

Chapter 2 is set in episode 4x03. Thank you for reading.

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT – Chapter 2**

"_It's so sad what happened to that little girl. Losing her parents that young... Danny was great with her. He's great with kids. I'm not sure I'd be such a good dad…Maybe one day. I think I'd like that, eventually. Not the right time now, though. With Catherine leaving the Navy and starting a new job…The present! I can't forget it!_" Steve thought while he was getting ready for Catherine's ceremony. "_I hope she likes it…I really tried to find something special for her. 1300 $ special. But she deserves it anyway… She means a lot to me. She means a lot? What am I saying? I love her! Not sure why I've never said that to her. I know she feels the same way. She does, right?…_" He looked at his watch and when he saw what time it was, took the box quickly and left. "_I need to run!_"

Steve was happy to be able to arrive in time to give her the present. "_I think she loved it. That's good, that's really good. Why am I nervous? It's just a ceremony._"

"Steve! We're here!" Danny called from the crowd and he joined them.

Chin and Kamekona were there too and so was Billy. "_Billy came… It's normal. He's her new boss. But I don't want him here... Why don't I want him here? I worked with that guy. And I trust her. I told her that much this morning and I wasn't lying. Well, at least not about that. Then why? What am I afraid of? She's not going to cheat on me. She's not like that. But she could find out that she's better with him... Would she? Would she be better with him? No! No way! She turned down the job in the first place. And she said she didn't want anything to get in the way of what we have. But what if it does? It would be my fault. I pushed her to take the job…I want her to be happy but... wow! I used to be more confident. What's wrong with me? I've got nothing to be scared of_." Steve repeated his own advice, this time to himself. "_We have a good thing. A great thing!... Am I jealous? Really? _" He suddenly realized what he was worried about the most, as images of Catherine with a bruised face and her hands in zip tie cuffs sprang to his mind. He felt nauseous for a moment. "_I'm actually scared like hell to lose her…but not only to Billy. I know she can take care of herself but it's going to be hard to see her in the field again…He better has her back out there or I'll kill him with my bare hands._"

The ceremony concluded and Steve thanked the team and Kamekona for coming.

"You're welcome, man. We weren't going to miss this. Catherine is ohana." Chin said.

"Of course, babe. That girl keeps you human, It should be me giving her a recognition" Danny claimed.

"Thank you guys again. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm going to take Catherine to dinner" Steve told them as he saw Billy hugging Catherine from the corner of his eye. "_This is insane! I'm not that kind of guy_!"

"Sure! You two have fun!"

Steve approached Catherine and Billy was leaving already, so they cordially waved at each other.

"Hey sailor." She greeted him with a smile.

"Congratulations, Cath. It was a beautiful ceremony. You deserve that. And you look great in your dress white." He grinned.

"Thank you! Not too bad yourself. So, where are you taking me?"

"It's a surprise."

"Oh, really?" Catherine asked.

"Yes, ma'am." He offered her his arm playfully.

"Ok, let's go then." Catherine surrendered as she grabbed it amused. "_I love this man_."


	3. Chapter 3

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Hey there! Chapter 3 is here! I hope you like it. Thank you for reading and to SteveMcgarrettLover and St for taking the time to write me a review.

This chapter takes place in 4x04, while Steve is waiting for Catherine at home.

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 3**

"_That is not noble, it's stupid!_" Steve couldn't stop thinking about Danny's words while he was having dinner alone at home.

"_Is that right? Perhaps, it was a mistake to encourage Catherine to take the job. I still trust her and everything, but, what if Danny is right? Well, he gets scared very easily and he's never been in a relationship like ours. We trust each other because we've been apart and still exclusive for years. He's overreacting. I shouldn't listen to him. And he was also upset about Gabby._"

Some time later, he finished his dinner, put the leftovers in the fridge for Catherine and went to bed. He was constantly looking at the alarm clock on the bedside table, feeling nervous about her first day back on the field. It was supposed to be a quiet security detail case, but... "_The list of potential threats was quite long…_" He had helped her to investigate them in Five-0 Headquarters. Steve knew she would have been more than capable to do it without his assistance; but, even if he wanted to be supportive and helpful like she had been in the past; he mainly did it to find out what she might be dealing with, in case of an attack. "_I hope she's alright. It's getting really late._" Suddenly, his phone rang and brought him back to reality.

"Hey Danno."

"She's leaving."

"I'm so sorry Danny. I know how much she means to you." Steve said sincerely.

"I might have 'sort of' broken up with her."

"What?!" Steve asked surprised.

"It's for Grace's sake. I'm an adult, I could deal with the whole long distance relationship thing, but I cannot have my daughter saying goodbye to her every time she gets a new job." Danny answered.

"You're right man, Gracie loves her. It'd be really hard."

"Yeah… what are you doing awake anyway?" His friend asked him, changing the subject.

"You called me, remember?"

"Yes, I did, but you sounded very awake when you picked up the phone."

"I was just waiting for Catherine, ok?" Steve confessed.

"Uh-huh. So, she's still with Billy at this late hour of the night. And it looked like I was the one with the problem."

"Yes, Danny. She's still working with her boss."

"Ok, then. If you say so...Well, good night. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye."

Steve didn't want to pay too much attention to Danny's insinuations; he knew he wasn't in a good mood at that moment. "_He's just being dramatic because he's sad...Although, I still don't like the idea of Catherine working this late. Nothing good happens this late. Oh, come on! Now I sound like him. She's fine. She's a Navy Brat with three tours in Kabul. A private security job is a walk in the park for her._" He looked at the time again. "_This is ridiculous! Is it going to be like this every day she has a long case? I've been there, I know how this job can be sometimes. And yet, I can't stop worrying. Why is this hard now? I don't remember getting like this before. I worried of course, but not like this. It's just different now. When did everything change?_" He got up, put a sleeveless shirt on and went downstairs. After that, he grabbed a cup of water and sat in the front yard. "_Maybe the fresh air will do me some good and clear my head_."

"_When did everything change?_" He kept wondering. "_I don't think this is only about what happened with El Condor...I just can't imagine my life without her. I'm used to her leaving here. I'm used to her? I'm used to her?! That's not even close to what this is. I want her here. I love being with her and I love her. I do. I don't want to be apart from her ever again. Not for one second._" He took a sip of water and again looked at the time, in this occasion on his phone, as he had already taken his watch off. "_Not for one second...Does this mean what I think it means?_" Steve would have never admitted it to anybody but he felt terrified for a minute. "_What's wrong with me? It'd be great. Yes, but what if she doesn't want that yet? And what if she doesn't want it at all? I mean, she maybe insinuated that to me with the 'what's next' comment. Argh! It could have meant anything or nothing at all. Besides, it could also look like I'm doing this because of Billy..._"

He heard a car then, and sighed relieved. Steve was happy to see her in one piece. "_Of course, she's fine! And gorgeous!_" He smiled to himself.

They talked a bit and she went inside to fresh up. Once she had entered the house, he saw Billy watching from the car and waved at him. "_He's a good man and a better soldier. I respect him a lot,_ _but my life would be easier if he wasn't in it._"


	4. Chapter 4

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Hi there! This chapter is set at the beginning of episode 4x05 when Steve is informed about the shooting and waits for Catherine to wake up.

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 4**

"Yes. Where are they?" Steve's heart skipped a beat as fear grew inside him. The person on the phone wouldn't tell him what had happened to them. Which didn't actually bother him, because he knew it was protocol. However, being in the other side of that conversation he had had many times with victims' families, didn't feel good at all.

Joe accompanied him to the hospital. When they arrived, in what was a really short time, as Steve had switched the sirens on; someone was already waiting for him. He gave them what the commander considered a very little piece of information, and guided them to a waiting room.

"What the hell happened? She complained about how it was going to be a boring case and they were going to spend hours in a van." Steve told Joe, the concern noticeable in his voice.

"Sit down Steve, she'll be fine." Joe affirmed, trying to calm him.

The seal did what his mentor suggested, but couldn't stop looking at his watch. "_This feels familiar...At least now I have a real reason to worry...Come on, Cath. Don't do this to me._"

What felt like hours later, but was indeed half of it, a doctor walked in and Steve jumped from his seat.

"Family of William Harrington" Steve was a bit disappointed when he didn't hear the woman say Catherine's name, but also glad because he sincerely wanted his former teammate to be alright too. Meanwhile, Billy's father, who had arrived to the hospital with a relative right after them, approached the doctor. Both Joe and Steve gave him some space, but they immediately realized by his reaction that the news was not good . "_Damn it! This is not fair._" Guilt swept over him. "_He's gone. I didn't want him in my life and now he's dead._"

Once Mr. Harrington had regained his composure a bit, they extended him their condolences. "_That poor man is a total wreck. I feel terrible. I shouldn't have thought those things about his son. He was a good guy... I was scared to lose Catherine to him. I knew it would have been a fair win, neither Cath nor him would have ever betrayed me...and yet, I...Cath! What am I going to tell her?_"

As soon as Billy's family had gone with the doctor to see him one last time, Steve sat heavily on the same chair he had occupied before. "_He died...with me wishing he hadn't reappeared in our lives._.._What if_ _Catherine…? Don't! Don't even think about it._" Culpability and angst were starting to internally drive him to despair, when he felt Joe patting his arm to get his attention.

"Commander Mcgarrett." Steve almost lost his balance as a result of getting up too quickly again. "Lieutenant Rollins is in the recovery room. It wasn't a complicated surgery but she went into shock when she arrived at the hospital and we had to give her intravenous fluids and monitor her vitals. Everything should be fine, though. She'll just need some rest for a couple of days and a sling." Steve didn't say anything. _"Shock...intravenous fluids...shock"_ His vision got blurry for a second. "_Fine...wasn't complicated..." _When these last words were registered in his mind, his heart rate started to slow down to its normal rhythm again. _"He said fine. That's good. She just needs rest…."_

"Thank you, doctor." Joe talked first, giving Steve the time to assimilate all the information.

"Yes, thank you very much." Steve stated afterwards. "Can I see her?"

"Of course. I'll take you."

Hours went by before Catherine woke up and Steve was getting impatient. "What is_ going on? They told us she was fine. How is this fine? She's been unconscious since she passed out. Well, the sedated her for the surgery...that's must be it...but isn't this too long? _" He checked his watch for the hundredth time. It was becoming a habit lately and he didn't like the sensation at all. "_Come on, Cath. You've been through worse._" He looked at her monitor. "_Vitals are good. The BP could be better, it's a bit low but...what am I doing? She's ok. Why isn't she waking up then? Argh! I've always been overprotective but this is insane.__ It's not like I'd just realized two days ago that I don't want to lose her. I've known that for a long time. So...What the hell is wrong with me? I've known that she is the love of my life from almost the very first day...Danny is right, she's my girlfriend, she always has been. And I'd like her to be more than that one day. Why have I never told her all this? I should have told her._ _I should have said the damn words._" The idea terrified him. _"Am I__ serious? I've been in war and this scares me? If these are mommy issues, they're __big_..." His mind was in a turmoil, as he kept moving restlessly on his chair. _"__I don't want her to reject me. I think she feels the same way...but what if it's all in my head? Or what if she doesn't like that I waited for her to get shot to say it? She got shot! She could have died today and she'd have never known how much I love her...have died...Damn it, Billy. How am I going to tell her about Billy?..._"

Catherine finally shoke and slowly started to wake up.

"Hey"


	5. Chapter 5

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **This chapter is still set in episode 4x05 because, it seems to me that Steve is quite uncomfortable the most part of it. It looks like the whole Catherine getting hurt thing is driving him nuts. Although I believe a part of him is super proud of his Navy Brat going out there to take down her boss' killer, I think he just can't avoid to get worried sick about her. Along with the little bit of guilt that, in my opinion, he feels after not liking Billy's return at all. So, more thoughts in the seal's head that I'll try to guess and write. Wish me luck ;P.

Thank you for reading! And for your nice comments; specially to LuckyStarPham, since I've read and loved all your stories. Still hoping for an update on your last one ;D.

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 5**

"What are you doing? You can't pull that out! Wait a minute!" Catherine didn't listen to what her boyfriend had just said and stood up from the hospital bed. After some resistance on his side, she convinced him to go to the cabin and look for evidences.

But before this, they made a stop at home to have a shower and change.

"_Stubborn! What the hell is she thinking? She's been through a lot in the last few hours and yet, she's going to do this...well, to be fair I'd do the same thing. And she knows it. She played that very same card with me...smartass."_ Steve laughed to himself while he was having a quick shower. "_Still, not comfortable with it, she's not on her best shape right now. This could be dangerous. Look __at __what happened last night..._"

"Steve! Come on!"

"Yep. Almost finished." Steve answered her. "_God! It should be a good sign that she's up for this but she's making me nervous. I've already called Duke. She could rest for a few hours while the scene is processed..."_

"Come on!" Catherine repeated fretfully.

Steve left the bathroom with a resignation face. "It's ok Cath, we'll find him. Don't worry!" He said quietly while putting a navy blue shirt on.

"I know. Let's go."

...

"_I was supposed to have his back. How was that not on me?_" Catherine's words echoing in his head as he could still hear people singing in the background. _"And I said nothing! What kind of boyfriend am I? I've let her keep thinking that it was her fault. It wasn't her fault. I know how that feels and it's not good. Why the hell didn't I say something to reassure her? I just hugged her. We're not machines, we try our best…She endend up in a hospital bed, for heaven's sake. She tried...it's just, sometimes, our best is not enough...I should know that well..."_ He unconsciously tightened his grip on Catherine's hip. She noticed it and looked at him with a sad smile. "_It's so painful to see her like this. She was really happy with their new job and, a few weeks later, she's saying goodbye to her friend...a good friend of whom I thought badly because this stupid jealousy or whatever this is...It even bothered me to listen to her telling me that story of them in Kabul, while I was changing her bandage. How dumb is that? He was already dead and I still didn't like listening to her talking about him...about them...it reminded me of the time when they were seeing each other and it hurts. They were together and...it was so hard for me..that was...that was on me!"_

Realization hit him hard and all of a sudden, he knew. He knew where the obsession about losing Catherine was coming from. "_I let her go. I let her go once and she ended up with someone else. That's why I am so worried all the time about losing her...to Billy..to El Condor... I already found out what was like to be without her and it sucked. I could have lost her forever back then because I couldn't hang onto her. It was me who almost ruined us, not Billy._" The song finished and his thoughts were interrupted by Tom Harrington.

"Commander Mcgarrett. I would like to thank you and your team for finding the people responsible for this."

"You're...you are welcome, Mr. Harrington. I was a true honour to serve beside your son. It was the least we could do after what he did for our country." Steve answered, not sure of what to say. He felt like a hypocrite after the bad feelings he had had about him.

"Thank you, again." Tom restated, shaking Steve's hand gratefully.

"_It was. It really was an honour, Billy. Wherever you are, I hope you can forgive me._"


	6. Chapter 6

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay! This chapter is set after episodes 4x06 and 4x07. It's probably quite OOC because most of it is an actual talk between Catherine and Steve; and we haven't seen many of them. But I sincerely refuse to think that they never talked…I mean, they lived together so…eventually, some of these issues would have had to come out.

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 6**

"Thank you, Steve." Catherine said on their way home.

"For what?" He asked distractedly.

"You know…for letting me work with you and Five-0" She sounded grateful and, at the same time, hopeful. Steve was really glad about this.

"I'm not letting you do anything, you've earned it. What you did today was impressive." Steve answered her proudly. "_And dangerous…_" He couldn't help the thought as he focussed his attention to her bruise, but he wasn't going to say it out loud. "_At least now, she's going to have more people I trust on watching her back, including me._"

Catherine notice how his look had changed. "What's going on?"

"Mm?" He was clearly in another place at that moment.

"What's going on?" She repeated. "You've got quiet…"

"Nothing."

"Steve…" She rose her eyebrows. "It is something."

"I just…I was worried about you." He confessed a bit embarrassed.

"We've talked about this. I had everything under control. And I repeat, you wanted me to find something and I did, I found Sato." She didn't sound angry.

"_Yeah, what an advice…_" "I know, I know. And I trust you. I really do. That's not it. It's just…you know what? You're right. Forget it." It seemed like Steve was eager to finish that conversation and Catherine noticed it.

She knew he was proud of her and that he would trust her with his life but why he was like this, she didn't know. "_He must be still a bit worried after the shooting. He can't avoid getting overprotective._" She thought and, after a few seconds of silence, she decided to let it go.

"So…how was babysitting Mary's daughter, uncle?" She asked with a funny smile.

"It was…normal, I guess. No problem."

"_What's going on with him?_" "Normal? How normal is to spend the day looking after a niece you didn't know you had a few hours before?" She was starting to get a little bit concerned about his attitude.

"It's not, you're right." Second time he had said that during their ride. "I meant that we managed pretty well. Better than I expected, actually. But thanks to Danny…I didn't even know how to change her diaper." He continued.

"He's a great dad for Grace, so…"

"_Would I? Would I be a good dad? I left my niece with my partner…but if I am honest with myself, I kind of enjoyed it. Being with Joan...I think I would like that. What the hell? I left her with Danny and with Chin, they did all the hard work, and the dirty one..._" Steve got lost in his thoughts again and didn't say anything.

"Are you mad?" Catherine asked suddenly.

"What?! No! Why? Why are you asking me that?" Her question surprised him. "_Do I look mad?_"

"I don't know, Steve. I just...You look distracted and I thought that maybe something happened. Or perhaps, you got mad at me because I went undercover. Or maybe you regret the idea of me joining Five-0...I don't know." She rambled, feeling insecure.

"I don't regret anything, Cath. And I'm not mad at you or at anybody for that matter. I'm actually happy that you accepted, I wasn't sure if that was something you'd want."

"I do. I do want this. But there is something else on your mind, I can tell that much... Are you worried about how working together is going to affect us?"

"Well, I am now. Do you think it is going to affect us?"

"No! I just thought you did. You said we were good and nothing was going to change that but…"

"And I still believe so, Cath." Steve interrupted her, with a reassuring smile.

"Good! So do I." She smiled back.

They finally arrived home after a long day and Catherine went upstairs. Meanwhile, Steve set the table and prepared some dinner. "_Why would she think that I was mad? Was I rude to her? I don't remember so... But she's right, I was distracted. I can't stop wondering about our future since she left the Navy, and today with the baby...and after Billy's death...we think we have all the time in the world...but we never know with what we do...it's not the right time yet. Stop thinking! She's going to need some time...and if I can't even tell her I love her, how am I going to talk to her about all this?_"

"Hey!" Catherine entered the kitchen and Steve startled a little.

"Hey! Dinner's almost ready!" He greeted her, trying to look casual.

"_Yep. There's definitely something on his mind._"


	7. Chapter 7

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** I hope you like this chapter, it is set the morning after Thanksgiving (episode 4x09). Thank you for reading!

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 7**

"Hey Aunt Deb! What are you doing awake already? Didn't you sleep well? Are you feeling alright?" Steve inquired surprised to see his aunt awake that soon. She was already sit in the backyard, as he left the house for his morning swim.

"Hey, slow down boy! I'm fine. You're not the only early bird in the family; that's all." Deb answered him with a smile, trying to make him feel better, although she had indeed not slept well.

"Ok, ok. You'll tell me, right? If you feel bad or need anything at all?" Steve asked, still concerned about her.

"Of course. But I'm leaving this evening anyway, so I won't give you too much work."

"You're more than welcome here. You know that, don't you?"

"Sure. But even though the view here is gorgeous, it's not my home."

"I know, I know. Catherine and I have the day off today, so we'll all go for a ride after breakfast and I'll show you a few of my favourite spots." Steve promised her. He was looking forward to spending some more time with her, Mary and Joan; before the three of them left. And he also wanted his family to get to know Catherine better, since she was a very important part of his life now.

"It sounds like a plan. But I must tell you that 'your friend' beat you to it and showed me the most beautiful one yesterday." She said with a grin.

"My friend?" Steve didn't know what she was talking about.

"Yes, Catherine. She introduced herself as your friend. A 'friend' that slept in your room last night and, I guess, many more nights before that." She answered fully smiling now, genuinely happy for her nephew.

"Yeah, I didn't have time to talk to you about her. She lives here. I mean, we live together. I don't know how it happened, it just did." Steve confessed, touching his forehead, a bit uncomfortable.

"It probably happened because you don't want to be apart from each other." She winked at him. "And that's a good thing. I'm really happy for you. But if you are sure that she's the one, don't waste any more time, Steve. Life is short." She advised him wistfully.

"Thank you, aunt Deb. I'll think about it." He stated and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll be back soon." And he ran towards the sea.

"_A friend? Did she really mean that? Ok, we've denied that we were in a relationship for a long time, but I did see her as my girlfriend. I was just insecure to say it out loud. First of all, because I wasn't sure that she felt the same way about us; and second, because if it hadn't ended up well, it would have been easier to explain it to everyone._" Steve thought while he was swimming. "_But now, we're way more than friends or at least is what I believed. We live together and not precisely like roommates._" A mischievous smile appeared on his face. "_She's the one. I know she's the one. But am I? Am I the one for her? She said she was my friend...to my aunt._" He felt a little hurt. "_I don't have the right to get offended about this; after all the times I've told Danny that she wasn't my girlfriend. And besides, she maybe said that because she wasn't sure about how much my aunt knew about us. We barely had time to talk. I just sent her to pick her up. And I did it because among all the people I have in my life right now, she was the one I wanted my aunt to see after she left the police station. Seeing her makes me feel better. I thought that if I couldn't be there, I'd send her the best substitute I could. And she's the best person I know. She is. She's the best...My aunt is right, I shouldn't waste any more time...But I should find out if she feels the same way first…Oh, come on! She does. She does feel the same. She loves me. Doesn't she? I mean, I feel loved by her...that should be enough. But..._" Old doubts arose over him again.

"_But...what if it's all in my head? What if she really see my just like her 'friend'?_"


	8. Chapter 8

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Hello!! This is Chapter 8 and is set after 4x17. I know there are many episodes in the series between this chapter and the last one; but this is because I think Mcroll got less and less time on screen in the 2nd half of the season, which, by the way, bothered me greatly the first time I watched it. And when they do, it's all about work. So, consequently, I have less material to make up stories. 4x14 would have been a good one for a chapter from Catherine's POV...but I couldn't think about anything from Steve's side. However, I've tried to cover some bits from previous episodes.

PS: I've assumed that Catherine's still living with Steve (despite what it looks like in the current episode and the one before). So, in my story, she's been out for a quick trip in the episodes she's not on screen, but before leaving, they had had an argument (only implied in the chapter). It's obviously cooked up by me, just for fun, you know, that happens sometimes and it's absolutely fine if it ends well, which it will. I promise ;P

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 8**

"_I like to live alone?! What the hell?! Catherine was out for a few days and I hated it...I don't know why I said that, but I definitely do not like to live alone. I'd like to think it was because I didn't want Jerry to stay here...but...why didn't I just say that? 'Hey Jerry, look, I want to be alone with my girlfriend, who happens to be mad at me, at our home. So, ask someone else'. It's not that dificult. Well, I wouldn't have mentioned about Catherine being mad at me._"

Steve had gone to bed quite late, investigating the tool box's coordenates, and he couldn't fall asleep. "_Our home...it is our home._" He repeated in his head. "_I should tell her. I should tell her that I like her here, and that I've missed her these days. It was a stupid misunderstanding... Is working together really affecting our relationship, like she asked me the other day? I was a little bit scared that she wouldn't come back home after her trip...but she did. That's good._" The seal thought and looked at Catherine asleep by his side. He smiled at the sight and brushed away a lock of hair from her face. She seemed so relaxed, with her lips slightly parted. "_I should tell her more than that. I love her. Why is so hard for me to say it? For both of us, actually. She has never told me either...I know she...well, or at least, I think she loves me back, but none of us has said the words yet...It's ridiculous! I'll do it. My aunt was right...and so was Freddie. She's the real deal. She is a keeper. I want to keep her...forever._" He then remembered his old friend's words a few years back. "_Don't think you're not going down next, Smooth Dog._" Catherine suddenly trembled beside him. "_She must be having a nightmare._.."

"Hey! Sshh..you're ok. I'm here." He whispered to her and she became calm without even waking up.

"_She belongs here. We belong together. I don't know what the hell I was thinking the other day. She looked hurt and I did that. I hurt her and it's killing me. She didn't mention the argument when she came back. She even hugged me. Well, I had been kidnapped...but still, I don't deserve her. I was rude...and irrational. And then, days after, Danny finds out that his parents are getting a divorce. I don't want that to happen to us...well, if I ever get what it takes to ask her."_

His thougths were interrupted by Catherine shaking again.

"Cath, hey. Cath...Catherine." He tried to wake her up and she fought with him.

"Hey. It's me. It's me, Cath." She finally woke up and looked at him.

"Mmm..hi. Sorry. I was..I was dreaming..."

"Billy again?"

"Yeah" She answered him with a sad smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, not right now... Sorry I woke you up." She said rubbing her eyes.

"Don't be. I wasn't asleep." He confessed her with embarrasement.

"What's going on?" She asked concerned.

"Nothing important."

"Steve.." Catherine frowned.

"Are we ok?"

"I don't know. Are we? You're the one who slept in the leaving room the other night..." She asked him back.

"What I said before you left about this not being your house..I...I didn't mean it. I want you here and I want you to feel that this is your home too." Steve looked her in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Cath. I know we didn't plan this, but I like it. I like you living here...in our home. And about that night...I had a nightmare too...about Freddie." He told her sincerelly and she could see in his face that it wasn't being easy for him to find the right words.

"I like this, too." She smiled but he noticed a tear coming down her cheek.

"Hey. Come here! I'm sorry. I am. Forgive me, please."

"I know. It's ok. It's not what you think. I'm just happy to hear you say all that." She reassured him and gave him a kiss to prove him that she wasn't mad anymore.

"I mean it and I..." _"__I love you" _"...I've missed you these days. I was scared...I though you...might not want to come back...and then you did, but we were a bit distant..and I..." Catherine didn't let him finish and kissed him again, which he was thankful about, since he was struggling to explain himself to her.

"We're fine" She stated smiling.

"Yes, we are." Steve confirmed with a playful grin. But before he could return the kiss, she stopped him touching his mouth.

"Jerry is not here, is he?"

"Nop. He's gone." The grin reappeared on his face.

"Good" She laughed and finally let him kiss her back.


	9. Chapter 9

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **I hope you like Chapter 9, set after 4x19. It's about Steve and Catherine's sushi date and for once, he is going to think 'out loud'. ;P

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 9**

"Thirty hours later, but we made it to dinner." Steve stated, truly happy to be able to be there, while they were waiting for their order. "I'm sorry we couldn't come here yesterday..."

Catherine smiled to him but she stayed quiet.

Her silence didn't go unnoticed by Steve. "Are you ok?"

"Why would agent whoever want to kill you last night?" She asked unhesitatingly in a low voice to not draw too much attention.

Steve was caught off guard. He opened his mouth as to say something, but nothing came out.

"Why?" The lieutenant inquired.

"Mmm..I already told you about the map and the grave" He finally started talking after a few seconds, still surprised by the turn of the conversation.

"Is that why? Who was in it? It must be something dark if they are willing to kill you to make you stop looking...Wait! Does it have anything to do with the bombing?" Catherine asked curious but, at the same time, concerned about his boyfriend's safety.

"Wo Fat's mother."

"What?!"

"Yeah, she wasn't meant to die and they covered it up. And yes, it has everything to do with the bombing." He became serious and sad. "My mother's past is interfering with my life again. And that's not what bothers me the most. You and the team were in danger too because of that." The despair starting to show in his voice.

"I'm fine, Steve. We all are." She said calmy, trying to make him feel better.

"But it could have ended differently, Catherine. They buried us alive under a whole building. And why? Because of me wanting to know the truth for once and for all...I'm sorry...I..." He apologised.

"It wasn't your fault. It was a set up."

"Yeah, for me. You didn't have to be there. None of you should have been put in that situation. I mean, Danny has a family for crying out loud! Gracie could have lost her dad in there; and the rest of us, the opportunity to start one of our own one day."

_"Is he saying what I think he's saying?"_ Catherine thought, as she raised a hand to her mouth, to hide a smile she had failed to suppress.

"It wasn't fair" he kept talking, unaware of Catherine's reaction. "You shouldn't be put at risk, we shouldn't be put at risk, because of Doris' endless lies."

"I know...I'll help you find her if you want me to." She offered just before the waiter came with their food. "Mmm yummy."

"Thank you" They both said to the young man.

"I don't want you to look for her." The seal finally told her, when they were left alone again. "Thank you, but I don't want you involved in this. You've seen what they're capable of."

"I get it. But you don't need to worry about me, Steve. I've dealed with people like this before."

"I know, Cath. But it was your job. I wouldn't forgive myself if something happened to you, because of my family's issues... And I've tried, believe me; but I just can't help worrying about you."

"Thank you." Catherine said grateful to hear him tell her that. She knew how difficult it was for him to show his feelings, and he had given her two hints of them already. "But I was the one who offered, wasn't I?" She continued, wanting to ease the guilt on him.

"Thank you, really. But not this time."

"Ok" She surrendered. "And for the record, I also worry about you. Yesterday too, even though I told you I hadn't. I did...but I never doubted that you'd get out of there."

Steve smiled at her. "I didn't want to miss this. The sushi here is delicious." He joked, his armour back in place.

"Yeah, and you're paying, for once." She chuckled, perceiving that he had shared enough for one night.

"You know I pay." The commander stated pretending to look offended.

"Yes I do." She answered, glad to be the only one to know things about him that no one else did.


	10. Chapter 10

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Sorry for the delay guys! I've struggled to do justice to one of my favourite episodes: 4x21. I still think this is not enough, but I've tried. My most humble apologies! I hope you like it...or at least, don't hate it...much. ;-)

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 10**

"_Stupid! I should have told her I love her ages ago...I waited until she was miles away to say it...by the phone! What's the matter with me?_" The conversation with Catherine was giving Steve a headache. He hadn't moved a muscle, as if he was in shock for what had just happened. "_I can lose her there...and she would be alone...She's so stubborn! She should let me go help her._" A tear rolled down his cheek again and he realised that, although he was bone tired, he wasn't going to be able to sleep much. Hence, he wasn't even going to attempt to and decided to take a quick painful shower. All his body ached but that was actually the least of his problems.

A short while later, dressed in his shorts and sleeveless Navy shirt, he went downstairs again to look for something to eat. A little smile appeared on his face, when he saw the ragù leftovers in the fridge. "_She said it back!_" He thought, taking the bowl. "_But it could be the last time I hear her say that...or anything at all...I wasted a lot of time because of these idiotic issues of mine. I was afraid to lose her and now she's gone for God knows how long...maybe forever_". It was then, when the microwave beeped and brought him back to reality. He ate Catherine's reheated ragù and a renewed optimism grew up inside him. "_She will, she'll rescue Najib and be here in no time. I know she doesn't want me there, but it doesn't mean that I can't help her from here._" With that resolution he finished his plate and called Joe to make a few arrangements to provide Catherine with everything she might need.

"Hey Steve!" Joe didn't seem surprised about such a late call.

"Hello Joe! I take that you've heard about what happened..."

"Yes, I have. You're both ok, aren't you? I couldn't ask for Catherine's sake, you know..."

"We're fine, Joe. Thank you for everything. I...uh...I need another favour..." Steve hesitated.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Cath is not coming back, for now..."

"What?! She's staying there all by herself?" Joe asked.

"Yeah...She doesn't want me to go, she wants to keep a low profile and I...uh...I'm worried about her. Can you pull in a few more favours and make this easier for her? I mean, if she at least had enough resources...She said she'd be careful but...I don't know. I don't know what else to do, Joe."

"I'll take care of it, Steve. And don't worry. If she said she was going to be ok, she's going to be ok."

"Thank you, Joe. I appreciate it."

"It's alright. Try to get some sleep."Joe said.

They hung up and Steve seemed to be a little bit less concerned than before. But it wouldn't last long.

After a restless night on his armchair, the commander woke up before the sunrise and decided to pay a visit he had delayed for a year.

"Hey, bubba!" He saluted. "Sorry I haven't come earlier. It's quite selfish but it was hard for me to come here." He confessed, sitting on the grass. "I haven't been sleeping much...and I have nightmares about you sometimes...I mean, seeing your ugly face... that would keep anyone awake, man." Steve joked, trying not to break down. "I'm kidding, I really miss that ugly face of yours. You'd kick my ass if you were here right now. Catherine left...well, we went to Kabul together but she stayed there. She has a good heart, she intends to save a kid who was kidnapped by some talibans. Our OP went south and they took me. I'm fine, but I had to come home and she doesn't want me back there now. She said it was because it's easier...but I know she's trying to protect me and I don't like it. I want her to want me there, if that makes any sense..." He remained in silence for a few minutes and then continued. "You were right about her...she's..uh..I don't want to be away from her. Which is an unfair thing to say to you, actually. But you told me to not mess it up and I did. I let her there...alone. What if she never comes home? I...I was thinking about our future, you know...What's wrong with me, man? I should have learnt from you and be a bit more spontaneus...we never know what's in store for us...and I owed you, I still owe you my life and I let it stay in Kabul. She's my life, Freddie. But you knew that already, didn't you?"


	11. Chapter 11

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This is Chapter 11, which takes place in 5x08, while Steve goes over and over the talk with her aunt at Kamekona's.

Thank you for reading, I hope you like it.

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 11**

"Then, I thought that maybe...someday I might get married and have babies...but it was never the right time." Aunt Deb had told him that day.

"_I know how that feels. I wanted that too, I still do... I should have talked to Catherine about it, months before we went to rescue Najib... Months?! A couple of years, actually. I've known for a long time that she was the one who I wanted all that with. I've had no excuses for two years. She was settled here...did she do that for me? She said she loved me...she might have wanted all this too. Maybe, I was right to think she was hinting me something with the 'what's next' comment. And I was stupid enough to not see that...But she stayed in Afghanistan! She asked me to not wait for her! What changed all of a sudden?_" Steve was a bit mad at her, but he knew that something must have happened there to change her mind, which made him more worried than mad. "_What reason could she have to stay there? I mean, she wants to make sure that the kids are alright, which is ok with me. I get that. But, does she really need that much time to do so? She wants me to move on! You don't ask people you love to not wait for you, come on! Something must be going on with her…Ok, and now I'm worried! That's great!_" The seal was a mess, but, beside that brief conversation with his aunt, he hadn't talked much to anyone about Catherine. His proud didn't allow him to. Moreover, it was easier to pretend he was fine. He was also aware that Danny wasn't happy with her, which wasn't really helpful, and he found hard to talk to someone else. Calling Grover would have been an option, as he felt they had become closer after their talk about Freddie and the nightmares, but he had a perfect family... "_He probably wouldn't know how to proceed in this case, he has a wife who loves him and who wouldn't stay away from him._" Steve couldn't help but feeling a bit jealous about it, and about Aunt Deb's wedding… He felt genuinely happy for them, but it hurt him not to have his other half around, like they did.

"The one thing I never gave up on...was love." Deborah Mcgarrett had continued.

"_Have I? Have I given up on love? Cath kind of asked me to move on, but I just can't...who am I going to find? No one. No one is going to ever mean to me what she means to me. And perhaps, she comes back in the end...or not. She's not planning to if she doesn't want to hang on to our relationship...but why? She said we were good and now she wants out of this? Did I do something wrong? I told her I love her and she said it back...I thought...I thought that was a good thing...It was probably too late..._"

"I just hope that, someday, you'll know how wonderful that feels..." Deb had kept saying.

"_I do know how that feels. Well, I did. Now I just know how to feel incomplete...and abandoned. Why would she do that to me? She knows how much I need her. What?! She doesn't. I've never said it out loud. I waited until the last possible minute to let her know how I felt...and it wasn't enough._"

"Steve, you're so willing to risk your life, when are you going to be willing to risk your heart?" His aunt had asked him.

"_I lied. I lied to Aunt Deb and to myself. I barely risked my heart. I stayed on the safe side our whole relationship. It took me years to confess my love to her, not to mention how long I spent telling people that she wasn't my girlfriend. There are many things I never said to her during the years we've been together. I should have talked to her about all those subjects...like that I wanted more...and way before, that I missed her dreadfully when she was away...and when she was working with Billy, that I was afraid she realised that she was better without me…_" The pain was starting to become difficult to bear at that point, as a dark feeling crossed his mind. "_Apparently, she's already realised so…_"


	12. Chapter 12

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Hello everyone! This chapter is actually set before the last one; but it just occurred to me that there was a big gap between 5x07 and 5x08. I mean, no one gets over a torture that quick, not even our beloved Commander. So, as I came up with this a bit late, it's going to be a little misplaced in time...but I think it was worth the trouble. And it doesn't really mess up the story too much.

Sorry anyway ;-)

**YOU'RE GOING DOWN NEXT - Chapter 12**

"Where am I?" Steve asked to the dark silouette on the chair beside him, when he woke up startled, in the middle of the night.

"You're home." Someone reassured him.

"Danny? What are you doing here?"

"What do you think? I'm looking after you" The detective said matter-of-factly. "Are you in pain? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine" Mcgarrett replied, not happy about having a nanny.

"I know, but you've been beaten up, mate. I'm going to stay here for a couple of days, whether you like it or not."

"You sound like someone I know." Steve told him bitterly.

"Who?" Danny queried out of curiosity.

"Nobody"

"Who?" He wasn't going to let it go.

"Catherine. She..uh..said those exact same words to me, when she told me she was going to rescue Najib...stubborn..."

"And that, my friend, sounds like someone I know." Danny claimed pointing at him.

"Yeah, thank you." Irony showing in his voice.

"How is she? By the way?"

"She's good."

"Uh-huh...how good?"

"Good enough to not come back...And don't do that. It's annoying."

"Don't do what?"

"Don't uh-huh me!" Steve stated, a bit offended.

"What reason did she give you?" The blond wanted to know, his tone friendlier this time, as he noticed his partner was suffering.

"That she's found a life there...like she didn't have one here...can you believe her? I thought she...well...I know she loved me. She told me that much...and.."

"Excuse me?! She what?" Danny interrupted him surprised.

"Well, I told her and she said it back."

"Congrats, man! I know it doesn't feel like a victory right now. But it is. You finally were honest with her...and with yourself."

"_No, I wasn't. I wanted more." _"But what was the point if she was going to stay there?" Steve wondered sadly.

"She probably didn't think she wasn't coming back at all by then...I mean, I don't like how she managed this whole thing, but I'm sure she meant it. A fool could tell that she loves you...or at least she did." Danny ranted.

"Mmm...thank you? What a pep talk..."

"I'm sorry, man. I do believe that she still loves you...but I just don't understand why she would run from this..."

"Neither do I. She said we were good...that's why she didn't want to take the job with Billy in the first place...and then she...I thought...Never mind, I'm an idiot."

"You are, indeed. But not this time." Danny joked, trying to cheer him up. "What did you think?"

"She mentioned something...and I wrongly assumed she wanted to take another step in our relationship..." Steve admitted with embarrassment.

"Wait! What?...And When?"

"Don't bother...She obviously didn't want that." _"I even freaked out about it...stupid!"_

"I do bother. I want to know, because you're not the type of guy that assumes the best in love matters, so...she probably did mean it."

"The day I found out she was leaving the Navy. She said she was doing it because she needed to start thinking about what was next..." Steve related.

"Wow! And what did you answer her?"

"Nothing."

"Mmm...and did you want that? I mean, to take another step. Was that something you wanted?"

"Not at that precise time, but eventually...I'd have wanted to." "_What?! I did. I did want that then, although it scared me...But I'm not telling him, that's for sure."_

"And did you plan to tell her all that?" Danny inquired him.

"Not really." Steve lied.

"You should share those things with the woman you love, Steve."

"Maybe...But I guess it doesn't matter now..." The commander replied, with sorrow. A yawn scaped his mouth and his friend decided he had made him talk enough.

"I'll let you sleep, man. It looks like you could use a nap."

"Yeah, thank you."

Suddenly, Danny realized. "_I finally found out why he was lost in his thoughts, when I told him I was in my way to pick up Grace for the baseball game..." _


End file.
